softball & blessings

This past weekend we drove down to San Jose to watch my uncle play in a senior softball tournament. He and his team-mates traveled all the way out here from New Jersey to compete. It was pretty impressive to see all these 70+ year old men running around the field. It was inspiring to say the least. We met my parents there at the game and then they came back to our house for the night. It was a whirlwind visit, but still good to see them.

At some point over the weekend I noticed a softening in my heart and my bad attitude fading away. Praise the LORD! He really helped me to take the focus off of me and put it back on Him where it belongs. He blessed me with two conversations Sunday morning that reminded me of how He's totally in control and often does things that, while they seem to us to be crazy and whirlwind and not good timing, He's still very much in it and is doing it for a reason. A reason that we may or may not ever know.

While I am still sad to have left what felt like home and I miss my friends terribly, I have a renewed excitement for what it is that God has for us here and I don't want to miss His blessings just because I'm being stubborn and crabby.

I have prayed many times over the last several months that we would know for sure that we are in His will and not making the wrong choice by moving. I was reading 1 Thessalonians this morning and was so encouraged to read this verse with a new perspective.

"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."

1 Thess. 5:16-18

I forget that He tells me right there in scripture what His will is for me. To always be joyful, praying and giving thanks. No matter what. It doesn't matter where I am, if I'm doing those things and keeping my eyes on Him, I'm in His will.

just plain ugly

I've got a bad attitude. A really bad one. It's been festering and I'm apparently not laying it down at the foot of the cross, even though I keep confessing it and telling the Lord that I don't want to hang on to it. That I want Him to take it away. Far, far away.

This morning I was reading the devotional Streams in the Desert (thank you Sarah Dawn for reminding me that I have that!) and I read this poem. I wish I could tell you that it knocked me upside the head and set my attitude straight. It didn't. God and I are still working on it. But it was very, very encouraging to me, especially the last paragraph, and I wanted to share it with you.

He giveth more grace when the burdens grow greater,

He sendeth more strength when the labors increase;

To added affliction He addeth His mercies,

To multiplied trials His multiplied peace.

When we have exhausted our store of endurance,

When our strength has failed ere the day is half done,

When we reach the end of our hoarded resources

Our Father's full giving is only begun.

His love has no limit, His grace has no measure,

His power no boundary known unto men;

For out of His infinite riches in Jesus

He giveth and giveth and giveth again.

Annie Johnson Flint

I'm so thankful that God has limitless love, mercy, grace and patience with me. I seem to be needing it in abundance these days.

speechless

I don't even know what to say, but had to post this picture that Kate took of Adam last night. They were running around being so goofy and super excited that I baked cookies and was making home made ice cream. Yeah, I totally flaked on dinner and made up for it with dessert. You get one or the other around here...

parlez vous francais?

My kids crack me up! They're playing Cranium Kabooki on the Wii in french. Too funny!

While their mother is messing with her blog when she should be feeding them lunch and getting ready for the meeting at the school she has in less than an hour.

Hmmm... somebody is doing a really good job at wasting time today!

restoration

Thank you all so much for your prayers and kind and encouraging words you've shared with me over this past week. God has heard and answered and I'm doing much better.

So much better in fact that I had the energy and motivation to unpack some more boxes, and guess what?! I have a family room! Woo Hoo! I should have taken a before picture to give you the perspective, but trust me, you wouldn't have known this room was here before. It was that bad.

I've spent quite a bit of time in the Psalms this past week and it's been exactly what I needed. There were many verses that really spoke to me and I jotted them down to help them stick a little better, but one in particular really hit me for some reason. It's Psalm 51:12 and it says,

"Restore to me the JOY of your salvation,

and uphold me with a willing spirit."

I'm so thankful that not only does the LORD give us the joy that can only come from Him, but He will bring it back to us when we cry out to Him.

Hope you all had a wonderful weekend. Here's to a new week, seeking the LORD and all He has for us.

"But for me it is good to be near God; I have made the Lord God my refuge..." Psalm 73:28

Orphan

Warner Bros. has just released a new horror movie called Orphan. It proclaims that it must be hard to love an adopted child as much as your own. Let me share with you some of my experiences and thoughts on orphans and adoption.

When I was thirteen years old a family from my parents church sent the youngest of their four children off to college and then had four more children through adoption. The first two that they brought home were sisters, aged three and six, that had been found in a dumpster. The three year old was in the Sunday school class that I helped in and she melted my heart immediately. I'm telling you, to this day, there is a hole in my heart the shape of a little girl from Korea. Their next two children were young brothers that were also from Korea.

The fact that this couple, at a stage in their life when most people consider themselves to be "free", chose to basically start over with another family of four children, just completely blew me away. I was somehow, at the age of thirteen, in awe of their complete selflessness. And it so touched me that I knew someday, in some way, God was going to have me be a part of the blessing of adoption. Looking back on this situation, with the little bit of wisdom I've gained over the years, I'm sure that life was not all peaches and cream for this couple and their four children. But what I'm assuming was an act of obedience to the Lord on their part, made a lasting impression on me.

Fast forward 20 some odd years - God brought us Mark. This child, this ball of energy and his creativity and enthusiasm and zest for life, his adoration of monkeys and tickles, this child that was prayed for and cried for, is the child that God knew was meant to be in our family. We have been so blessed by him and who God made him uniquely to be and is continuing to make him in to. We also have three biological children that are just as much of a blessing to our family. No more, no less.

I can wholeheartedly say that no, it is not hard to love an adopted child, and by the way, he is my own. Are there days that I'm frustrated and a little thrown for a loop? Absolutely! But those days can, and do, happen with each one of our children. It has nothing to do with how God chose to bring them to our family.

Children are always a blessing, no matter when and how they come in to your family. Some of them just might need a little more, or a lot more, patience, love and grace than others. Some of them have been through more in their short lives than any of us could ever imagine experiencing in our own. I don't believe that means we should turn our backs on them and write them off as a lost cause. I believe those are the children that need us more than anyone else, whether through prayer or adoption or whatever the Lord lays on our hearts.

To quote a fellow blogger,

I understand that many people will see Orphan as simply entertainment. The reality is, however, that we have over 147 million orphans worldwide in need of food, clothing, a home and a family. This movie has the potential of causing incredible parents to run away in fear, leaving yet another child alone and in need. I encourage others to think of what the world would be like if 147 million children grew up into poorly-adjusted adults. Now that, my Friend, would be truly horrifying.

"Long, long ago He decided to adopt us into His family through

Jesus Christ. (What pleasure He took in planning this.)"

Ephesians 1:5 MSG

keeping it real

"For the Lamb at the center of the throne will be their shepherd;

He will lead them to springs of living water.

And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes."

Revelation 7:17

One of my favorite bloggers will occasionally post pictures of the huge pile of laundry on her couch, the stack of dishes in her kitchen sink, or how she lost it with her kids. She'll call it "keeping it real". I love that she does that and it's probably why she's the blog that I've stuck in with the longest and have to check everyday. Who wants to always read blogs that seem to be written by people who have time to accomplish amazing crafts, in houses that are never dirty, are amazingly decorated, and are inhabited by children that never fight and always wear clothes that match? Not me! I find that I start to feel quite poorly about myself. Then I have to remind myself that I'm only seeing what they are choosing to show me. It reminds me of something that I heard a MOPS speaker say once that I will never forget. "We are very good at comparing our insides to other peoples outsides." I think blogs have the potential of being a good picture of that very thing.

So, why am I going off on all this? A friend of mine said this blog is like an "ongoing Christmas card of sorts". I love that! That's kind of why I'm doing this. But I don't want it to become one of those Christmas letters that makes you want to gag because all it talks about is how great everything is. You know the ones. At the same time, I don't want it to be a total downer. What I am going to do is keep it real and part of that is being honest about the fact that I'm really struggling right now. I wrote the following in an email that I sent to a friend and I think it sums up some of my "stuff".

I think there are probably several reasons I'm in a funk. One is probably that I've just crashed and burned from all that we've been dealing with for the last two years. Which is where the exhaustion comes in. It feels like it's just been non-stop and I can't handle any more. I find myself feeling a little fearful and on edge, just waiting for the next bomb to drop, which I know is NOT from the Lord, at all. Also, it's all the change. Moving and all the adjustment that comes with it is just the straw that broke the camels back. We've been trying to cope with all the new things that have been handed to us since we moved Ron's mom to CO two years ago, and each time, before we even had a chance to wrap our brain around what we were dealing with, it would all change and we'd be dealt a new challenge. So when I would normally be excited about a move and discovering a new place, I just want to curl up in a ball and cry. I SO needed to be able to just hunker down where I was and deal with all we had been through. And for the very first time ever in my life, I actually wanted to stay where I was and I knew that I had people there that loved me for who I was, had walked through the valley with me, and would continue to be there as I healed and processed through it all. It absolutely baffles me as to why God would choose to take us away from that. It honestly makes me wonder if we did the right thing. On the other hand, I know we are where He wants us, and I think part of why He moved me at this time is because I have a terrible habit of running to friends when I'm hurting and not to Him. He knows that I do that. That's another part of why I'm in a funk right now. Because I keep trying to do things on my own strength, even though I know I'm totally incapable of it. I think all anybody can do for me right now is to pray for me. Pray that I have the strength to get through the day, and that I keep running to HIM and not other people or things.

There you have it. The real me at the moment. And if you stuck with me all the way to this point in the post, God bless you for your patience and thanks for letting me share.

Now, I'm off to tackle my next post which is initiated by this. Go check it out and then hold me accountable to writing it. Believe it or not I loathe writing and am having a hard time coming up with the right words for that one. Probably because it's something that I'm so passionate about and I tend to get a little preachy and defensive when I feel so strongly about something. Not really the angle I want to take.