Orphan

Warner Bros. has just released a new horror movie called Orphan. It proclaims that it must be hard to love an adopted child as much as your own. Let me share with you some of my experiences and thoughts on orphans and adoption.

When I was thirteen years old a family from my parents church sent the youngest of their four children off to college and then had four more children through adoption. The first two that they brought home were sisters, aged three and six, that had been found in a dumpster. The three year old was in the Sunday school class that I helped in and she melted my heart immediately. I'm telling you, to this day, there is a hole in my heart the shape of a little girl from Korea. Their next two children were young brothers that were also from Korea.

The fact that this couple, at a stage in their life when most people consider themselves to be "free", chose to basically start over with another family of four children, just completely blew me away. I was somehow, at the age of thirteen, in awe of their complete selflessness. And it so touched me that I knew someday, in some way, God was going to have me be a part of the blessing of adoption. Looking back on this situation, with the little bit of wisdom I've gained over the years, I'm sure that life was not all peaches and cream for this couple and their four children. But what I'm assuming was an act of obedience to the Lord on their part, made a lasting impression on me.

Fast forward 20 some odd years - God brought us Mark. This child, this ball of energy and his creativity and enthusiasm and zest for life, his adoration of monkeys and tickles, this child that was prayed for and cried for, is the child that God knew was meant to be in our family. We have been so blessed by him and who God made him uniquely to be and is continuing to make him in to. We also have three biological children that are just as much of a blessing to our family. No more, no less.

I can wholeheartedly say that no, it is not hard to love an adopted child, and by the way, he is my own. Are there days that I'm frustrated and a little thrown for a loop? Absolutely! But those days can, and do, happen with each one of our children. It has nothing to do with how God chose to bring them to our family.

Children are always a blessing, no matter when and how they come in to your family. Some of them just might need a little more, or a lot more, patience, love and grace than others. Some of them have been through more in their short lives than any of us could ever imagine experiencing in our own. I don't believe that means we should turn our backs on them and write them off as a lost cause. I believe those are the children that need us more than anyone else, whether through prayer or adoption or whatever the Lord lays on our hearts.

To quote a fellow blogger,

I understand that many people will see Orphan as simply entertainment. The reality is, however, that we have over 147 million orphans worldwide in need of food, clothing, a home and a family. This movie has the potential of causing incredible parents to run away in fear, leaving yet another child alone and in need. I encourage others to think of what the world would be like if 147 million children grew up into poorly-adjusted adults. Now that, my Friend, would be truly horrifying.

"Long, long ago He decided to adopt us into His family through

Jesus Christ. (What pleasure He took in planning this.)"

Ephesians 1:5 MSG

keeping it real

"For the Lamb at the center of the throne will be their shepherd;

He will lead them to springs of living water.

And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes."

Revelation 7:17

One of my favorite bloggers will occasionally post pictures of the huge pile of laundry on her couch, the stack of dishes in her kitchen sink, or how she lost it with her kids. She'll call it "keeping it real". I love that she does that and it's probably why she's the blog that I've stuck in with the longest and have to check everyday. Who wants to always read blogs that seem to be written by people who have time to accomplish amazing crafts, in houses that are never dirty, are amazingly decorated, and are inhabited by children that never fight and always wear clothes that match? Not me! I find that I start to feel quite poorly about myself. Then I have to remind myself that I'm only seeing what they are choosing to show me. It reminds me of something that I heard a MOPS speaker say once that I will never forget. "We are very good at comparing our insides to other peoples outsides." I think blogs have the potential of being a good picture of that very thing.

So, why am I going off on all this? A friend of mine said this blog is like an "ongoing Christmas card of sorts". I love that! That's kind of why I'm doing this. But I don't want it to become one of those Christmas letters that makes you want to gag because all it talks about is how great everything is. You know the ones. At the same time, I don't want it to be a total downer. What I am going to do is keep it real and part of that is being honest about the fact that I'm really struggling right now. I wrote the following in an email that I sent to a friend and I think it sums up some of my "stuff".

I think there are probably several reasons I'm in a funk. One is probably that I've just crashed and burned from all that we've been dealing with for the last two years. Which is where the exhaustion comes in. It feels like it's just been non-stop and I can't handle any more. I find myself feeling a little fearful and on edge, just waiting for the next bomb to drop, which I know is NOT from the Lord, at all. Also, it's all the change. Moving and all the adjustment that comes with it is just the straw that broke the camels back. We've been trying to cope with all the new things that have been handed to us since we moved Ron's mom to CO two years ago, and each time, before we even had a chance to wrap our brain around what we were dealing with, it would all change and we'd be dealt a new challenge. So when I would normally be excited about a move and discovering a new place, I just want to curl up in a ball and cry. I SO needed to be able to just hunker down where I was and deal with all we had been through. And for the very first time ever in my life, I actually wanted to stay where I was and I knew that I had people there that loved me for who I was, had walked through the valley with me, and would continue to be there as I healed and processed through it all. It absolutely baffles me as to why God would choose to take us away from that. It honestly makes me wonder if we did the right thing. On the other hand, I know we are where He wants us, and I think part of why He moved me at this time is because I have a terrible habit of running to friends when I'm hurting and not to Him. He knows that I do that. That's another part of why I'm in a funk right now. Because I keep trying to do things on my own strength, even though I know I'm totally incapable of it. I think all anybody can do for me right now is to pray for me. Pray that I have the strength to get through the day, and that I keep running to HIM and not other people or things.

There you have it. The real me at the moment. And if you stuck with me all the way to this point in the post, God bless you for your patience and thanks for letting me share.

Now, I'm off to tackle my next post which is initiated by this. Go check it out and then hold me accountable to writing it. Believe it or not I loathe writing and am having a hard time coming up with the right words for that one. Probably because it's something that I'm so passionate about and I tend to get a little preachy and defensive when I feel so strongly about something. Not really the angle I want to take.

friends

I was looking back through the pictures we've taken since we left Fort Collins and I came across this picture. It was so good to get to see so many friends right before we left and sad when I think of the ones we didn't get to see. In the chaos of it all, I kept forgetting to take pictures of everyone that came and helped and all the crazy packing of those darn trucks! I even left my camera at Enzio's the night before we left and had to ask a friend to go get it and mail it to me. I hope to someday get my brain back.

In the meantime, I'm desperately missing my friends and my home. And clinging to His words...

Shout for joy to God, all the earth;

sing the glory of His name;

give to Him glorious praise!

Say to God, "How awesome are Your deeds!

So great is your power that Your enemies come cringing to You.

All the earth worships You

and sings praises to You;

they sing praises to Your name."

Psalm 66:1-6

fifteen and counting

Fifteen years ago today Ron and I got married. It really has flown by.

I love you babe! You're my everything, even though sometimes I give you the stink eye.

I love you for how patient you are, that you're a wonderful dad, that you love the Lord and desire to grow closer to Him. I'm so blessed to call you mine.

Miss P

I love this picture of my niece, Miss P, and just had to post it. She gives good stink eye.

Just like her aunt...

things I learned today...

1. Before you pack the children and all necessities in to the car and drive an hour and a half to spend the day at the beach, check the weather report for said beach. Otherwise you might arrive unprepared for the 57 degrees you are greeted with.

2a. Ross isn't that bad. We scored some rockin' deals on new school clothes and some much needed fedoras.

2b. My kids crack me up! I love that I caught Kate yelling at Mark for giving her bunny ears and Adam and Gregory are completely tuning them out so they can pose for the picture.

3. The Golden Gate bridge is still amazing. It was so fun to get to share it with the kids today. They thought it was totally cool and Mark reminded us all to be very careful and not jump off. He then climbed up on the wall so he could see it better.

4. If I have to sit in stop and go traffic for almost an hour, I want it to be as I'm driving through Napa Valley looking at vineyard after vineyard.

5. If you take your children to a cheap hair cut store in a town you've never been to and have no idea if it's any good, you have a 50/50 chance of those haircuts turning out ok. Good thing school doesn't start for four more weeks.

We had a wonderful day today experiencing new things and rolling with it as our plans didn't work out the way we thought they would. Everyone decided that a mini road trip discovering a new place is something we should do much more often. The only thing missing was Daddy, who was stuck in Sacramento at an AP Calculus seminar. Fortunately he'll be with us next week when we head out somewhere new. Stay tuned...

getaway

Last Thursday Ron and I decided that we would load everybody in to the car the following morning and head south to my parents house for the weekend. They had offered to watch the kids so we could get away for our anniversary, which is coming up this Friday. It's our 15th and we were really hoping to be able to get to do something special to celebrate. My brother Todd works at this amazing new resort and was able to get us a room for two nights.

Here's the view from a walking trail that runs along the edge of the resort.The happy couple, fifteen years later.

Laying out by the pool and enjoying the amazing view. We hung out at the adult pool where there were no children allowed. It was nice and quiet and we had drinks served right to us poolside. My dream vacation.

This was the view from the balcony off our room.

We drove down the street to Starbucks for breakfast. This is the view from Starbucks. Can you imagine getting to go there every morning for your coffee?! I could so get used to that!

We had a wonderful weekend and so did the kids. We even got to have an impromptu birthday celebration for my sister in law Rachel on Sunday evening. It was great to be able to so easily be spending time with family. Thank you Mom and Dad! And thank you Todd! Lucky you getting to go there to work every day.

marky mark

slowly, but surely

Several days ago I decided that I was going to focus on getting the boxes out of our bedroom. There were so many in there that we could hardly walk and it was, needless to say, getting very frustrating. So I spent an entire day working in there, unpacking stuff, putting it away, moving things to other rooms, etc. The room is far from being finished, but we can walk freely and there are no boxes. Woo Hoo!

Part of the reason I wanted to get our bedroom done was so that at the end of the day I could come to a place that did not look like this.

Or this.

Or this.

Mission accomplished!

CA

We wandered around Ikea this evening and then had dinner there. It was great to not have to cook and we got to check out all the cool stuff.

Ron and I met some good friends for dinner in Napa last week. I was going to post a picture, but I look like a pregnant Alfalfa, so I'll leave that one off of here.

Ikea and Napa all within 40 mins. of our house. I guess California isn't all bad.

backing up

Our good friend Dorothy was brave enough to make the two day drive with us out to CA and then stay for several days helping to start us get settled.

We took the day off one day and went to the Jelly Belly factory, which is only about 15 minutes away. All you can eat Jelly Belly's... the kids were thrilled!

welcome home

We took a day off from all the packing today and went to Stinson Beach. It was at the end of a VERY winding stretch of Highway 1.

The water was cold, as you can see by the look on Gregory's face.

The smell and the sound of the beach made me feel like I was back home. There really is nothing quite like it.

MIA

A lost camera and no internet connection for a week makes for not such an interesting blog.

Hopefully we'll get back on track soon.

For now, we're buried in boxes, but enjoying the pool and the weather that has actually been quite nice. Aside from that one day that was 109...